Of Life and Lacquer

 

Yes, you read that correctly: Tom Ford Bitter Bitch. I have been obsessing over this polish for a few reasons:

1) Tom Ford, duh!

2) Bitter Bitch…need I say more?

My first foray into the world of Tom Ford is one of my favorite fragrances, Black Orchid. Let me tell you about Black Orchid. I believe that it was the basis of the cologne described in Anchorman: Sex Panther by Odeon because 60% of the time, it works every time.

I had really been resisting picking this up because the price is kind of exorbitant. At $30 for a .41oz bottle, I figured I should not be spending such crazy money on one bottle of nail polish. However, since I’ve been having such a craptacular time lately, I decided that it was time to splurge a little. I headed over to the mall after work to pick up my own little bottle of polish heaven courtesy of Mr. Ford. I walked up to the Tom Ford Beauty counter and the following ensued:

Me: “Hi, I’m looking for a bottle of Bitter Bitch.

Employee: A little confused at first. “Excuse me? Did you say butter? Like butter london?”

Me: “No, bitter. Bitter Bitch.”

Now, this is when everything quickly went downhill. There was a woman standing at the counter sampling all the Tom Ford fragrances with her young daughter and she looked at my like I had 3 heads.

Nosy Customer: “How dare you talk to her that way? I can’t believe this. Don’t you have any respect? Can’t you see I have my 10-year-old daughter here with me?! What classless language!”

Me: “Excuse me…????”

Nosy Customer: “Yes, you heard me correctly. You need to learn some respect.”

Now, at this point, a fearsome monster emerged: Ghetto Cynthia. Yes, GC is hidden most of the time but if you are from Southern California and I tell you that I was born and raised in Santa Ana, you know that this is a very real and scary beast.  At this point, the associate was looking at both of us not really knowing what to do so I quickly recovered and really let her have it.

Me: “Listen to me, you uptight bitch. Don’t speak to me that way. If you knew anything about Tom Ford, you would know that Bitter Bitch is the name of one of his most popular polishes. So  you better back off unless you want a real problem.”

Nosy Customer looked at me like she wanted to punch me in the face so I said to her, “Don’t even think about it because I will beat you down right here and now.” Unfortunately, a security guard was either walking by or was called over and he pulled me aside and pretty much proceeded to blame me for the situation. The Nosy Customer was in tears, her daughter was staring at both of us and the counter associate was trying to explain to the Nosy Customer and the security guard that the polish was indeed named Bitter Bitch. Once they both realized what had happened, the Nosy Customer stormed off with her daughter and both the associate and security guard apologized to me. I grabbed my purchase and stormed off because I just didn’t want to risk going thermonuclear mad at both of them. So now that you have heard my story about what happened when I purchased Bitter Bitch, are you ready to see if it was worth all the hassle?

I have to admit that the packaging is to die for. I am always lured by gorgeous packaging and Tom Ford never disappoints in that department. It’s classy, clean and just plain sexy. Nail polish is sexy? I must be going nuts.

This is really painful for me to write, but I do not think that this polish lives up to the hype. I had really high hopes about the formula and color, but it fell flat. The polish is so sheer that I was shocked after the first coat. I ended up applying 3 coats, and I still see areas that are a little more sheer than others and it was bald patch central. I allowed a few minutes in between coats, and I still had some polish drag–what a drag.  I also really wanted the color to appear more red but that’s impossible since you have to apply 3 coats. I do love the brush, though. It was perfect, soft yet firm and fans out wonderfully. I really wanted to love this, but I just don’t think that it is worth the $30 price tag. I like the color and would actually recommend the product if the formula was better. Ultimately, I am glad I satisfied my polish lust even if I paid a hefty price.

Final thoughts: Fuck you Tom Ford–literally and figuratively–for making me lust after your products. I will forgive you for this hiccup, but my patience will wear thin if you continue to disappoint me. What do you think of this polish? What is the most you have spent for a bottle of nail polish? Do you think I’m insane? I’m really curious to hear what you think so share on!