Tom Ford Bitter Bitch

The product featured in this post was purchased by me.


Yes, you read that correctly: Tom Ford Bitter Bitch. I have been obsessing over this polish for a few reasons:

1) Tom Ford, duh!

2) Bitter Bitch…need I say more?

My first foray into the world of Tom Ford is one of my favorite fragrances, Black Orchid. Let me tell you about Black Orchid. I believe that it was the basis of the cologne described in Anchorman: Sex Panther by Odeon because 60% of the time, it works every time.

I had really been resisting picking this up because the price is kind of exorbitant. At $30 for a .41oz bottle, I figured I should not be spending such crazy money on one bottle of nail polish. However, since I’ve been having such a craptacular time lately, I decided that it was time to splurge a little. I headed over to the mall after work to pick up my own little bottle of polish heaven courtesy of Mr. Ford. I walked up to the Tom Ford Beauty counter and the following ensued:

Me: “Hi, I’m looking for a bottle of Bitter Bitch.

Employee: A little confused at first. “Excuse me? Did you say butter? Like butter london?”

Me: “No, bitter. Bitter Bitch.”

Now, this is when everything quickly went downhill. There was a woman standing at the counter sampling all the Tom Ford fragrances with her young daughter and she looked at my like I had 3 heads.

Nosy Customer: “How dare you talk to her that way? I can’t believe this. Don’t you have any respect? Can’t you see I have my 10-year-old daughter here with me?! What classless language!”

Me: “Excuse me…????”

Nosy Customer: “Yes, you heard me correctly. You need to learn some respect.”

Now, at this point, a fearsome monster emerged: Ghetto Cynthia. Yes, GC is hidden most of the time but if you are from Southern California and I tell you that I was born and raised in Santa Ana, you know that this is a very real and scary beast.  At this point, the associate was looking at both of us not really knowing what to do so I quickly recovered and really let her have it.

Me: “Listen to me, you uptight bitch. Don’t speak to me that way. If you knew anything about Tom Ford, you would know that Bitter Bitch is the name of one of his most popular polishes. So  you better back off unless you want a real problem.”

Nosy Customer looked at me like she wanted to punch me in the face so I said to her, “Don’t even think about it because I will beat you down right here and now.” Unfortunately, a security guard was either walking by or was called over and he pulled me aside and pretty much proceeded to blame me for the situation. The Nosy Customer was in tears, her daughter was staring at both of us and the counter associate was trying to explain to the Nosy Customer and the security guard that the polish was indeed named Bitter Bitch. Once they both realized what had happened, the Nosy Customer stormed off with her daughter and both the associate and security guard apologized to me. I grabbed my purchase and stormed off because I just didn’t want to risk going thermonuclear mad at both of them. So now that you have heard my story about what happened when I purchased Bitter Bitch, are you ready to see if it was worth all the hassle?


I have to admit that the packaging is to die for. I am always lured by gorgeous packaging and Tom Ford never disappoints in that department. It’s classy, clean and just plain sexy. Nail polish is sexy? I must be going nuts.

Tom Ford Bitter Bitch

Tom Ford Bitter Bitch

Tom Ford Bitter Bitch

This is really painful for me to write, but I do not think that this polish lives up to the hype. I had really high hopes about the formula and color, but it fell flat. The polish is so sheer that I was shocked after the first coat. I ended up applying 3 coats, and I still see areas that are a little more sheer than others and it was bald patch central. I allowed a few minutes in between coats, and I still had some polish drag–what a drag.  I also really wanted the color to appear more red but that’s impossible since you have to apply 3 coats. I do love the brush, though. It was perfect, soft yet firm and fans out wonderfully. I really wanted to love this, but I just don’t think that it is worth the $30 price tag. I like the color and would actually recommend the product if the formula was better. Ultimately, I am glad I satisfied my polish lust even if I paid a hefty price.

Final thoughts: Fuck you Tom Ford–literally and figuratively–for making me lust after your products. I will forgive you for this hiccup, but my patience will wear thin if you continue to disappoint me. What do you think of this polish? What is the most you have spent for a bottle of nail polish? Do you think I’m insane? I’m really curious to hear what you think so share on!


The product featured in this post was purchased by me.

25 thoughts on “Tom Ford Bitter Bitch

  1. This is probably the funniest post I have read to date. It made me laugh and it was just what I needed!

    That said, so sorry the polish didn’t live up to the hype and wasn’t worth the hassle. I, however, like the color. I love brown polishes.

    Hope tomorrow is a better day for ya!

  2. You still made it look good, but if the formula sucks that much, I would return it. Especially after the crap you put up with to get it! In the 90’s I bought the original Chanel Vamp, I think it was $18 then. Essie & OPI were about $6, so I really splurged. I got turned off of Tom Ford when he said that models over 25 shouldn’t exist. As you said FU Tom Ford!

  3. Dare I say it… but this is a scab colored designer polish. And not just scab colored, OLD scabs. But then I also see raisin, or dirty bricks. I’m so color confused! I think I like it though, just not for the price point.

    Ahh… no matter where you go, if you were raised in the hood it will surface sooner or later. I know mine does from time to time. 🙂
    Jessica recently posted..Winter is coming… A blue GOT lover’s NOTDMy Profile

  4. We ALL have at least one (or more) expensive lusts. I can’t say if I’ve paid up to that much for polish but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t. I remember the first time I paid an expensive amount for shoes. I black pair of Ferragamo pumps I got on sale for $250 plus. I LOVED those shoes and only wore them maybe 3 times. :O) I’m sorry Mr. Ford’s polish was a let down. I don’t know I was expecting something more Red or Black on just something. I mean if you’re a Bitter B_ _ ch, you need to be a baaaaaaaaaaaad mother…shut your mouth. :O) And that polish didn’t feel like that to me.

  5. Hmm, maybe would look better with a subtle gold glitter gradient? The color is unique and looks like melted chocolate to me.

    You crack me up. It’s called America, walk away if you don’t like something Nosy Bitches!

  6. I can’t believe the nerve of that customer, talk about a busy- f***king body! And then you getting harangued by the guard all because the SA didn’t know the merchandise in the first place. I mean it is hysterically funny, but I’m still pissed for you! Do not suffer the further indignity of being out 30 bucks for a less than stellar polish. Return that sh*t & get your money back.

  7. Yikes, that was much for a nail polish, especially since it wasn’t that great. That shade would have been awesome if the formula would have been great, an almost sexy bottle.

    The most I’d ever spent on a bottle of polish is so far $15 for 24k gold carat flakies in a clear base – Midas Touch from Ninja Polish.. I haven’t tried the polish yet but I now it was worth it. 😉
    Gelic’ nail art recently posted..Sloping funky french with dots and rhinestonesMy Profile

  8. I have to say I’m not a big fan of the colour. The most I have spent on a polish is probably OPI The Man With The Golden Gun (whopping $30, I know…it’s going at a much higher price now, but this is stiff for my budget). Based on my guilty purchase, I don’t think you are crazy at all for buying something you have been lusting after. Then again…I do consider myself somewhat of a shopaholic 😛
    Miss Intensity Nails recently posted..Swatch – Nicole by OPI Am I Making Myself Claire?My Profile

  9. Hi there. I saw Nichole over at Polish Me Please mention you a few times and really I like your blog. I followed you a while back but been a bit shy to say hello. So. Um…Hello *^.^’ *Waves*

    Your story made me facepalm so much. Not only was that lady eavesdropping on a conversation she had no business with, but she seemed so eager to hop on you that she didn’t stop to think “SOME Bitter Bitch?” If she’d been so concerned for the sales rep she’d have waited to see her reaction. Sorry you had to deal with someone like that. Humanity’s full of them ._.

    The packaging is ADORABLE, though the lacquer it’s self looks far less red on the nail in your pictures than it did in the bottle. It’s still a cute color though. Is it possible to layer it over a one-coat-black to help with the spots?

    As far as insanity? Nah. It’s a treat to splurge every now and then. It’s just a shame you were let down with the product. Can you return/exchange it?

  10. Haha, I laughed so hard reading this! I love that you stood up for yourself. I would probably go all silent 😛 Too bad that the polish wasn’t that great though since all the trouble you had to go through to get it. Your description of the formula doesn’t sound all that fun and the color doesn’t really do it for me either.
    Elin/Nailmanic recently posted..China Glaze – When Stars CollideMy Profile

  11. OMG, How funny! Hope you know I am laughing with you not at you. Hoorah for standing up for yourself! I hate people who cant mind their own biz! I would have done the same thing… ( i feel like I need to add a “GURRRL” to that… just so you know). As for the color, its too bad that it isnt more like the bottle… why not try to coat some Fantasy Fire over that bitch! it might liven it up, maybe… 230 has some burgundy in it, which would add some of that color back, but maybe FF can do the same thing. Keep in mind I paid like 50 bucks for 230… so you arent as nuts as I am! On TOP of that I bought Channel peridot a long ass time ago and I HATE it, so theres my lemming turned sour.

  12. OK, so is the whole post a joke or just the part with the lady at the counter?

    Anyway if you did get this polish on retail you could probably take it back.

    1. Just the part about the nosy customer. 😉 Yes, I did get it at Nordstrom and I am considering taking it back, but I kind of want to keep it just for the name. I know, I’m crazy.

  13. Hahaha so THIS is the Ghetto Cynthia I missed out on on April Fools Day!! I wish I would have thought about a april fools blog story cuz this was hilarious!!! I can sorta see you doing that tho!! Haha! I have to say, this color doesn’t do much for me. It does look scabby which surprised me because in the bottle I thought it was going to be more of a burgundy-ish color… more red like you said. I think I might take it back if I were you. Otherwise you know you’re gonna end up selling it in your blog sale eventually… i don’t think you’ll keep it long just for the name. We’ll see! 🙂

  14. Ok this was the only April fools I fell for. I didn’t even put the two together. I guess I take polish shopping seriously and don’t underestimate how bad ass you really are lol.

  15. I am so disappointed that I did not comment on this prior to knowing it was a joke! Nonetheless, the meme is fabulous, and in my world, you had the most successful April Fool’s joke of 2013.
    Since I had heard rumblings of “GC” before, it really seemed like it could be legit. Plus, I have a friend (named Corlett) who can do what we call “going Corlett,” which is about as brutal as what you described above. She’s like 4’11’ and under 90 lbs., but she will DESTROY you. It makes me uncomfortable to see, LOL. So, having those two things as references made this seem viable.
    Oh, I totally think of nail polish as sexy, so if you are nuts, I am also nuts.
    *Sigh* Cynthia, this polish…it’s kind of…brown. I wish it looked more like the bottle color.

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