Some New Stuff

I’ve been having some really crappy days lately. I think that most of it is my fault because I tend to ignore things until they become huge issues instead of just dealing with everything when it happens. At 32, I definitely should know better yet I let this happen over and over again. How many times do things have to blow up in my face before I learn my lesson? I am so frustrated with myself right now.

Another thing is that I stopped taking my meds and haven’t been back to see my psychiatrist. Actually, he moved to a different facility as of June so I just didn’t want to go through the process of dealing with a brand new person. I have an interesting relationship with the doctor who runs the clinic because she made me have a mini breakdown while I was hospitalized. How does that happen when I’m in there for a breakdown to begin with? I actually don’t recall if I’ve written about this incident yet so I’ll just gloss over the unpleasantness and say that she accused me of lying, “being too smart for my own good” and that I was only telling the doctors what they wanted to hear so they would let me go home. I remember that day very well because I was already very upset with one of the other patients who went behind my back and told my doctor about things I had told him in confidence. Looking back, I know he was just trying to help me but I felt so betrayed at the moment. I’ve seen that doctor a few times already and she seems nice now that I’m not being held against my will (ha!), but something about her makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t know why I’ve been so hung up on all this stuff lately. Maybe it’s just that I haven’t been taking my meds? I don’t know. But I can tell you that I’m definitely tired of feeling so vacant and drone-like. I hate the hot flashes. I hate the runny nose. I hate the wacky dreams.  What would you do? What would Jesus do? lol

Anyway, I don’t know why I just went on some psycho tangent so let’s get back to simpler things like nail polish. I know I said I wasn’t going to go to my nail places but I went today anyway. I didn’t really go crazy so at least I don’t feel that bad. I went to a shop that I haven’t been to in months because I couldn’t remember if they had interesting stuff or not. Well, I did end up getting a few things. Of course.

Happy Go Lucky and Lasso My Heart are relatively new polishes but Stone Age is an oldie. I think it’s from before China Glaze went 3-Big free. It smells different. I also got the super old Color Club just because I like red, and I like the old bottles. Since it was just $1.50, it wasn’t a difficult decision. haha

Now, this is a brand I haven’t used before. I’ve seen Précision at a few places already, and I decided to get this collection because it was on sale.  This collection is actually from 2010 which goes to show you how every spring/summer we get the same darn colors and we go bonkers over them anyway.

And this is my regret for the day. Since I was dealing with some crap in the morning, I didn’t have breakfast or lunch because I wasn’t hungry. Well, by around 5:00 I was hungry like the wolf.

These carne asada tacos were so massive that I couldn’t eat the rice or beans. How much meat did they put in my tacos??? Anyway, they were pretty good, but I felt like death after I ate them and I still haven’t recovered 4 hours later. I hope that tomorrow is a better day. My friend L. is coming over tomorrow since she will be in the area and she’s bringing over some polishes so I can thin them out a bit. I think D. is coming over too so we might all go to the beach or just hang out. Since I linked Hungry Like The Wolf, I will leave you with another Duran Duran song that brings back a lot of memories.

P.S. “How much meat did they put in my tacos?”  That sounds kind of inappropriate.

P.P.S. I watched The Dark Knight Rises today and it was AWESOME! I highly recommend it.

34 thoughts on “Some New Stuff

  1. Sorry to hear of your health probs. It can be really hard going to appointments and dealing with new doctors and all that stuff. U gotta do what u gotta do though, so do it!
    Totally went and ordered Ms McTeal ( and some others, natch) after brooding over your post the other day. Just what I needed, another brand to enjoy! Lol.

    1. I hope you won't be disappointed. I love my Sations especially Miss McTeal and Oh My Oceania. I can't deny that I feel a little giddy when I influence others on new brands/colors. 🙂

  2. Sorry to hear of your health probs. It can be really hard going to appointments and dealing with new doctors and all that stuff. U gotta do what u gotta do though, so do it!
    Totally went and ordered Ms McTeal ( and some others, natch) after brooding over your post the other day. Just what I needed, another brand to enjoy! Lol.

    1. I hope you won’t be disappointed. I love my Sations especially Miss McTeal and Oh My Oceania. I can’t deny that I feel a little giddy when I influence others on new brands/colors. 🙂

  3. is this ChG stone age sort of grey? it looks like the LA Colors I bought yesterday, don't ever mentioned I bought yesterday, I'm hiding this from my husband.. hahaha!

    If you're feeling "crappy" i think you should go back to your doctor, i've been through living with someone who is having depression and he's always better under treatment.. he stopped medicating when the doctor told him it was time, and now he's perfect..
    try to find your doctor in his new facility!

    1. LOL…that's so funny that you're hiding that polish. Yes, it is sort of grey…and metallic looking too. I don't know how it's going to end up looking on me but I liked that it's from a really old collection.

      Well, I've been dealing with depression on and off for over 10 years now and this is the first time I actually got help. Well, I didn't have much of a choice after every thing I did but I do think I got a better understanding of everything. I think I'm going to start my meds again and just hope for the best. Unfortunately, I don't have health insurance right now and it can get pretty ridiculous to have therapy once or twice a week the way they recommended in the beginning. Our healthcare sucks!

      1. well.. here is a little bit different, if you work, you have to pay the public insurance, so you have to chance to use the public hospitals for free (well it's not for free, because you're paying for it every month).. my dad had cancer last year, and he had all his radiotherapy for free.. but everybody with a certain level of income, pays private insurance.. i have it because the last thing i will ever do is going to a public hospital..!
        but the private insurance doesn't cover mental health..

        i used to pay $60.00 every week to go to the psychiatrist and more than $100.00 monthly using medicines..! thankfully I overcome my crisis fast..
        my husband has been under treatment for 2 years now, so imagine how much we spend on this..!


        i'm ashamed to recognize that i keep buying polishes and hiding it from my husband..

        1. I really hope we get some kind of health care reform here because it's terrible to be without coverage. My psychiatrist charges me $100 but only because that is their lowest fee and you have to fill out paperwork to qualify. Otherwise, it's like $300 an hour! That's insane. My therapist also charges $100 for each appointment and they wanted me to go in 1-2 times a week…are they crazy?! The only good thing is that the medication is very affordable but medication without therapy doesn't really help in the long-term. Even though I had insurance when I had my problems last year, I still ended up with bills over $10,000…can you believe that? Even having insurance barely helps. It's such a pain to not have good insurance.

  4. Gah, much to comment on! I understand putting things off too long despite knowing that I have to deal with them. I feel like I have so many things to address that I can't address them all, so some of the ones that are complicated get pushed aside, when I should really be forcing myself to take the steps to work toward dealing with them.
    In terms of your health stuff, I say trust your intuition. I think meds are effective at addressing whatever concern you are having, but I also think you know how you feel best. If you have a misgiving about the doctor, find a new one, or try to find your old one (if insurance allows and he's not too far) as someone suggested. You'll be glad you did when you find someone you are more comfortable with.
    I have never seen the Precision brand. Cute little collection, but you're right that it's kind of the same old stuff every year.
    Crap, now I am hungry! I want those tacos even though I know they were dangerous afterward!
    Ah, Duran Duran. One of the 80s bands that always gets brought up around me (due to their song 'Rio', as that is my last name, but spelled differently). The other one, obviously, is R.E.O. Speedwagon. Now I will have 'Rio' stuck in my head all day. You are very good at influencing my musical and culinary choices!
    My brother mentioned maybe going to see Batman this week…he'll probably go when I'm working, but we shall see.
    Have fun with your friends today!

    1. I've never needed insurance more than I do now! I've always been insured through work my whole adult life so this is really weird for me. My Cobra was close to $500 a month so I just couldn't keep up with it…not to mention that the coverage was pure crap. I found out the hard way when I got all the co-payment bills. Ugh! It also sucks that so many employers are cutting back on offering health benefits…that's a deal breaker for me when I think of my next job. I really like my old psychiatrist but he went out of state, it seems. I don't have a regular therapist because I think most of them are not helpful. I've always had issues with dealing with therapists.

      I love Duran Duran so much. I swear Rio was the first song loved by them…and Girls On Film.

      How can we get over our procrastination problems? I feel like things get a million times worse because I put off dealing with them.

      1. This might seem really basic, but sometimes making a list helps me. You can break up the task into smaller ones and make some progress that way. I also find that if it is constantly in writing in my face I am more likely to do it just to get it off the list!

        1. That's exactly what I try to do…but I procrastinate on even making the list. lol. I also find, like you, that the more things are in my face, the more motivated I get to get them out of my face so I do them. I'm going to work on that list tonight and really get cracking this weekend. Enough of this!

  5. is this ChG stone age sort of grey? it looks like the LA Colors I bought yesterday, don’t ever mentioned I bought yesterday, I’m hiding this from my husband.. hahaha!

    If you’re feeling “crappy” i think you should go back to your doctor, i’ve been through living with someone who is having depression and he’s always better under treatment.. he stopped medicating when the doctor told him it was time, and now he’s perfect..
    try to find your doctor in his new facility!

    1. LOL…that’s so funny that you’re hiding that polish. Yes, it is sort of grey…and metallic looking too. I don’t know how it’s going to end up looking on me but I liked that it’s from a really old collection.

      Well, I’ve been dealing with depression on and off for over 10 years now and this is the first time I actually got help. Well, I didn’t have much of a choice after every thing I did but I do think I got a better understanding of everything. I think I’m going to start my meds again and just hope for the best. Unfortunately, I don’t have health insurance right now and it can get pretty ridiculous to have therapy once or twice a week the way they recommended in the beginning. Our healthcare sucks!

      1. well.. here is a little bit different, if you work, you have to pay the public insurance, so you have to chance to use the public hospitals for free (well it’s not for free, because you’re paying for it every month).. my dad had cancer last year, and he had all his radiotherapy for free.. but everybody with a certain level of income, pays private insurance.. i have it because the last thing i will ever do is going to a public hospital..!
        but the private insurance doesn’t cover mental health..

        i used to pay $60.00 every week to go to the psychiatrist and more than $100.00 monthly using medicines..! thankfully I overcome my crisis fast..
        my husband has been under treatment for 2 years now, so imagine how much we spend on this..!


        i’m ashamed to recognize that i keep buying polishes and hiding it from my husband..

        1. I really hope we get some kind of health care reform here because it’s terrible to be without coverage. My psychiatrist charges me $100 but only because that is their lowest fee and you have to fill out paperwork to qualify. Otherwise, it’s like $300 an hour! That’s insane. My therapist also charges $100 for each appointment and they wanted me to go in 1-2 times a week…are they crazy?! The only good thing is that the medication is very affordable but medication without therapy doesn’t really help in the long-term. Even though I had insurance when I had my problems last year, I still ended up with bills over $10,000…can you believe that? Even having insurance barely helps. It’s such a pain to not have good insurance.

  6. Gah, much to comment on! I understand putting things off too long despite knowing that I have to deal with them. I feel like I have so many things to address that I can’t address them all, so some of the ones that are complicated get pushed aside, when I should really be forcing myself to take the steps to work toward dealing with them.
    In terms of your health stuff, I say trust your intuition. I think meds are effective at addressing whatever concern you are having, but I also think you know how you feel best. If you have a misgiving about the doctor, find a new one, or try to find your old one (if insurance allows and he’s not too far) as someone suggested. You’ll be glad you did when you find someone you are more comfortable with.
    I have never seen the Precision brand. Cute little collection, but you’re right that it’s kind of the same old stuff every year.
    Crap, now I am hungry! I want those tacos even though I know they were dangerous afterward!
    Ah, Duran Duran. One of the 80s bands that always gets brought up around me (due to their song ‘Rio’, as that is my last name, but spelled differently). The other one, obviously, is R.E.O. Speedwagon. Now I will have ‘Rio’ stuck in my head all day. You are very good at influencing my musical and culinary choices!
    My brother mentioned maybe going to see Batman this week…he’ll probably go when I’m working, but we shall see.
    Have fun with your friends today!

    1. I’ve never needed insurance more than I do now! I’ve always been insured through work my whole adult life so this is really weird for me. My Cobra was close to $500 a month so I just couldn’t keep up with it…not to mention that the coverage was pure crap. I found out the hard way when I got all the co-payment bills. Ugh! It also sucks that so many employers are cutting back on offering health benefits…that’s a deal breaker for me when I think of my next job. I really like my old psychiatrist but he went out of state, it seems. I don’t have a regular therapist because I think most of them are not helpful. I’ve always had issues with dealing with therapists.

      I love Duran Duran so much. I swear Rio was the first song loved by them…and Girls On Film.

      How can we get over our procrastination problems? I feel like things get a million times worse because I put off dealing with them.

      1. This might seem really basic, but sometimes making a list helps me. You can break up the task into smaller ones and make some progress that way. I also find that if it is constantly in writing in my face I am more likely to do it just to get it off the list!

        1. That’s exactly what I try to do…but I procrastinate on even making the list. lol. I also find, like you, that the more things are in my face, the more motivated I get to get them out of my face so I do them. I’m going to work on that list tonight and really get cracking this weekend. Enough of this!

  7. I've sat down a number of times to write you a comment on this post but every time I sit down I just draw a bit of a blank. Partially because I don't know exactly what I want to say, but also because I know how painful it feels to be betrayed by someone you felt you trusted. And how could I possibly know what it feels like to be held against your will and then be expected to be completely civil with a person involved in that decision afterward. And being accused of lying? I hate that with a flaming passion. There's nothing you can do to convince someone that you are telling the truth if they flat out don't want to believe you. It is a terribly helpless feeling.

    On another note, I can only imagine what kind of search phrases will end up at your blog because of "how much meat they put in my tacos."

    1. My last stay with them, I checked myself in. I had just been released from one place and my first thought when I got home and was alone again was: How do I do this again and not fuck it up this time? My brother had said something to me that I think made me want to get better. He said that if anything happened to me, he wouldn't just be losing me, but our parents as well because they would never recover. That made me feel like the most selfish person on earth, and I thought to myself that there were a lot of people who loved me even if I didn't. That's a hard thing to admit to yourself. This last stay was very good for me because it was a lot longer and I went in wanting to get help. I am sure most of the doctors/nurses are jaded and have heard it all when it comes to crazy patients so part of me doesn't blame them, but it was still hard to feel like they just thought I was lying most of the time to try to get out. Once I checked myself in, I couldn't leave without being released so I was stuck. I always felt like my doctors kept thinking I was trying to "outsmart" them. That was a very strange feeling.

      But…hey…I'm still here and hopefully I keep getting better and better. 🙂 I need to keep reminding myself that things can and will get better for me if I put in the effort. You are so sweet…I feel like you totally understand all this poppy stuff. <3

      LOL @ search phrases. Yeah, no kidding. I can't wait to see the gems that show up on my search terms page.

  8. I’ve sat down a number of times to write you a comment on this post but every time I sit down I just draw a bit of a blank. Partially because I don’t know exactly what I want to say, but also because I know how painful it feels to be betrayed by someone you felt you trusted. And how could I possibly know what it feels like to be held against your will and then be expected to be completely civil with a person involved in that decision afterward. And being accused of lying? I hate that with a flaming passion. There’s nothing you can do to convince someone that you are telling the truth if they flat out don’t want to believe you. It is a terribly helpless feeling.

    On another note, I can only imagine what kind of search phrases will end up at your blog because of “how much meat they put in my tacos.”

    1. My last stay with them, I checked myself in. I had just been released from one place and my first thought when I got home and was alone again was: How do I do this again and not fuck it up this time? My brother had said something to me that I think made me want to get better. He said that if anything happened to me, he wouldn’t just be losing me, but our parents as well because they would never recover. That made me feel like the most selfish person on earth, and I thought to myself that there were a lot of people who loved me even if I didn’t. That’s a hard thing to admit to yourself. This last stay was very good for me because it was a lot longer and I went in wanting to get help. I am sure most of the doctors/nurses are jaded and have heard it all when it comes to crazy patients so part of me doesn’t blame them, but it was still hard to feel like they just thought I was lying most of the time to try to get out. Once I checked myself in, I couldn’t leave without being released so I was stuck. I always felt like my doctors kept thinking I was trying to “outsmart” them. That was a very strange feeling.

      But…hey…I’m still here and hopefully I keep getting better and better. 🙂 I need to keep reminding myself that things can and will get better for me if I put in the effort. You are so sweet…I feel like you totally understand all this poppy stuff. <3

      LOL @ search phrases. Yeah, no kidding. I can't wait to see the gems that show up on my search terms page.

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